i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
