im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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