two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
