I want to have your abortion
i already hear my dad disowning me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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