Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
now i know why i became what i already was.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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