I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
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M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
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Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize