Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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