I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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