is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
