your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
