So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
