i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
