Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
