Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
