Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're a waste of cheezeits
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
