A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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