Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
