You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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