My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
