On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
how drunk are you?
Several
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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