Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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