He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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