3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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