dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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