It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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