I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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