what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
