Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
