she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
