I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
