I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
