now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
