Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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