I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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