did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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