Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
