i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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