somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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