My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This baby is an asshole
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
