im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
be right there i have to get my cape
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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