My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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