I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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