Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
this boner is exhausting
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
