...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
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