lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
