his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
