he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
