people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
