I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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