just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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