Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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