Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize