I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
