I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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