Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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