You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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