She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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