Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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