I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent