Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I smell stomach acid.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
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Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!