Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
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there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
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I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.