look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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