god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
