if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How does one acquire holy water?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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