I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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