I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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