I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
