we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
