Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
