hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
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Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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