Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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