Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
