Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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