I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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