I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
