i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
