Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I was not drunk enough for that final.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
